Some people say to themselves… “if I cared about myself, I wouldn’t eat this, or I wouldn’t eat so much of it. I wouldn’t beat myself up. I wouldn’t (fill in the blank.)”
If this is you, and you’re wondering how you can stop doing these things and start caring about yourself, look no further than your overeating, your beating yourself up, your (fill in the blank.)
You do these things because doing them makes you feel better than not doing them would.
That’s why as much as you wish you would stop, and as often as you tell yourself every good reason you can think of to stop, and despite all of the strategies that you’ve come up with to help you to stop, you don’t stop.
You don’t stop when as bad as you what you’re doing feels, stopping would feel worse.
You don’t stop because at the moment, stopping is the least of your concerns.
The irony… it’s easier to stop doing these things when you can see how everything you do, you do because it is in your best interests.
Let’s say, for example, that you have diabetes, and you eat something or an amount of something that you “know is bad for you.”
It’s not that you have a problem with “you know it’s bad for you” as being a good enough reason for you not to eat something. You’re more than fine with that when you feel it’s all bad.
What you’re not comfortable with is not eating something that you think is at least as good for you as you think it is bad for you.
(Sure my boyfriend showed up late for almost all of our dates, but I didn’t break up with him because he was showing up waaaaay earlier than my No Boyfriend would have.)
It is only because you care that you have a problem just letting something go that has its high points.
Just letting it go is what wouldn’t make any sense, and what doesn’t make sense, doesn’t get done.
So the question to ask yourself is this.
What do you do when what you want to stop doing is something that you think is a good idea?
My suggestion is this.
First know that no matter what you’re doing, and no matter that it might look otherwise to you, the reality is that you’re always on your side. Be glad that someone who cares about you as much as you do has always been there for you.
Then make a list of all of the reasons why doing what you’re doing is better than the alternative, how it makes sense, for you, and then see how you feel and what happens when you get it front and center, where things that are good for you belong.
Understand what important objections you have against buying the “You Should” or “You Should Not” you’re trying to sell you.
Some examples…
“It makes sense for me to be ok with my boyfriend being chronically late, because it’s better than breaking up with him and being alone would be.”
“It makes sense for me to eat (whatever it is, whatever amount that it is) because it’s better than wanting something and feeling like I can’t have it.”
And then expose your experience to your feelings about the experience… “it’s been my experience that being with someone who is always late is better than being alone.”
“It’s been my experience that eating something that I have some reservations about is better than wanting something and feeling like I can’t have it.”
Once you hear your own voice questioning “is that true?” or saying “I’m not sure I’m convinced of that” in response to what you’re writing, you’re on your way to making a different decision.
(After all, when you’ve told yourself (over and over and over) that stopping is a good idea, haven’t you heard “I’m not convinced of that”, and acted accordingly? Over and over and over?)
Any questions, feedback, concerns, or if you want to run something by someone who knows that you’re the best one to be minding your own business 
, you know you can find me hanging out in the comments.
As soon as it makes sense to you – and not a moment before, we can get this stopping stuff, started.
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