Stop Trying To Accept Yourself

You’ve probably heard that accepting yourself is the key to change.

If you really want to change, you’ll cross “accept myself” right off your to do list.

Maybe you haven’t actually accepted yourself yet, but you are “trying to accept yourself” or “working on” accepting yourself.

That’s got some special drawbacks.

That you have to try to do it, that it feels like an effort to do it, that it’s not going to come easily, sends you this message…

“Accepting this woman, just like she is?  This is going to be some hard work.”

(And how do you feel about someone who feels like accepting you is going to be work?)

Consider the difference in how you feel when someone says to you “I accept you just the way you are” or, says to you “I wouldn’t have you any other way.”

Acceptance implies that you are being tolerated.

(Someone who has a wonderful way with words described it as “settling.”)

How does someone tolerating you, or settling for who and how you are, feel, as compared to them embracing you… to them loving you because of who and how you are, not despite it?

If you have tried and failed to accept yourself, congratulations.

It is so important that you failed.  It’s the good news here.  It is something to celebrate and here’s why.

The reason why most people who are working hard  to accept themselves, fail, is because first, they must reject themselves.

And that is unacceptable.

There’s a world of difference between someone telling you “I accept you, warts and all”( no matter how well-intentioned that is) and someone saying to you, “I wouldn’t have you any other way.  Warts?!  What the hell are you talking about?  I love (said “warts”) because…” (and they can fill in the blank, and they mean it, and you can feel it.)

What happens when you have an appreciation, a respect, a genuine, zero-bullshit (because you know it when you smell it) thankfulness for all those things you’ve been trying to change about yourself?

What happens when you are not just fucking around with the idea, when you really would not have yourself any other way, because you being some other way would make you less desirable to you?

Yeah.

Then.  You get that change thing you want.

(Freakishly strange, wonderfully true.)

But how in the hell can you get to the point where you wouldn’t have yourself any other way, and the benefits that come with that when just the self-acceptance thing is one of the hardest things you’ve ever done tried?

First, keep in mind why it’s been hard… it’s because you’re rejecting the message implicit in all the trying… “the idea here is that as much as I don’t like how you feel or what you’re doing or how you look,  I’m going to learn to tolerate you.”

Next, if you want to experience the shift you can experience when you get serious about not having yourself any other way, do this.

Think about something you really, really  want to change about yourself and your relationship to food.

(Got it?)

***Then go here to book 30 minutes for you and me to shine a different kind of light on this thing you want to change about yourself.

(Trying to accept yourself, is blinding.  Not having yourself any other way, is eye-opening.)

Come see (you) for yourself.

You don’t even have to tell me what it is in the comments or on an e-mail, in fact, let’s have some fun, don’t tell me what it is that you want to change, until we talk.

(Because it doesn’t matter what it is.  As eye-opening as this 30 minutes will prove to be (you can read a little bit about other people’s experiences on the sidebar, enjoy!) I can do what I do with my eyes closed.  And I can do it with my eyes closed because this is how I roll.)

(And yes! I’m often behind the times re the current vernacular, and I wouldn’t have myself any other way.)

“The desire to change is fundamentally an act of violence against oneself.”  Pema Chodron

P.S.  On the subject of working with someone who wouldn’t have you any other way, do you know Catherine Caine? She is a Magnificence Amplifier “powered by Earth’s yellow sun.”  But better than that, she thinks you and your Best Work is powered that way, too.  And I am delighted to say I know first-hand that she is not fucking around about that.)

P.P.S. Back to you and me, because that’s what the P.S. is supposed to be for, don’t ya know!  (Actually, that’s why I mentioned Catherine Caine.  Whenever I think of me getting together with you, I think of how instrumental she’s been in that.  I work with Catherine because she wouldn’t have me any other way –  in fact, she insists on it – and she knows what a sucker I am for that.)

You come find out, too.  What it’s like to hang out with someone, even if for only 30 minutes, who would. not. have you any other way.

You can do much, much better than accepting yourself.

You can have the much, much better that comes with not having yourself any other way.

And pass this on, but only to people you like!

***Diet Crushing update…

Currently, I am booked to full with one-on-one with diet crushees.

There is no waiting list, because outside of my *formal* diet crushing schedule (including the free 30 minute consultations I already have on the books), I am spending time working out the details for how to better extend the crushing.

(It’s not right that my current schedule and way of doing business can’t accommodate more women who want to eat what they want, and not eat what they don’t want, and have their pants just fit.)

And I am going to fix that!

(If you’d like to be kept updated on details, you can make sure you’ll get them by signing up via the sidebar on the home page under “Crush Your Diet In The Comfort of Your Inbox.)

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